Exploration of options and planning my course of actions

Mezirow points out that learners must engage in critical reflection on their experiences, which could subsequently lead to transformation of meaning perspective. Thus a perspective transformation is the goal. It is "the process of becoming critically aware of how and why our assumptions have come to constrain the way we perceive, understand, and feel about our world." This critical reflection of assumptions then changes "these structures of habitual expectation and makes possible a more inclusive, discriminating, and integrating perspective" and makes learners choose or otherwise act upon these new understandings (Mezirow, 1991, p. 167).

I thought through all that has happened after that saturday and realised how foolish I was to want to end my life because of a failed relationship and acknowledged it as a sign of being weak and wanting to escape from reality. I was too stubborn in believing that he was the one for me and I would not be able to live on without him. Clearly, I was wrong. All I needed to do was to change my specific beliefs, attitudes, and emotional reactions and be engaged in critical reflection on my experiences, which in turn leads to a perspective transformation (Mezirow 1991, p. 167).

I have since moved on and started on a new relationship. I have learnt from my past experience and I thought a lot more before and during the process of this relationship and realised how much my perspective of things have changed over the last relationship.

I explored new roles in this relationship and attempt to be both a friend and a lover to my new partner. This was because I have learnt from the last relationship that my only role as a lover to my ex-boyfriend may have been too possessive and dictative. Being a friend allows more private space for both my new partner and myself as I realised how much my assumption about spending every moment of our time may have restricted on our own private space.

What I believed was most disorienting in this change would be felt during dinner time. As my mum does not do any cooking at home, I spend almost all my dinner with Irvin but I know that I can expect the same from James. Hence, I made concrete plans to keep myself occupied in the evening by taking up courses so as to not allow myself become overly dependent on anyone else and at the same time, take the opportunity to develop myself. I have also learnt the importance of family and friends during this period of time and hence, I make an extra effort to spend quality time with them.

After about eleven months into our courtship, my new partner, James, proposed to me. I was again challenged by many traditional norms and ideals such as, having too short a period to understand each other well enough. Should there be a standard time period for courtship? Does it mean that the longer the courtship, the stronger the marriage?