Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Moving On...

Personally, I learnt that how I make sense of love and relationship may change as an individual adds to or integrates ideas within an existing beliefs and perspective and, in fact, this transformation of making sense in meaning occurs routinely through learning. I cannot say that I have learnt it all and I may not be right but I recognised the perspective transformation within me. Perspective transformation leading to transformative learning, however, occurs much less frequently. Mezirow believes that it usually results from a "disorienting dilemma," which is triggered by a life crisis or major life transition, although it may also result from an accumulation of transformations in meaning schemes over a period of time (Mezirow 1995, p. 50).

Making meaning are based upon experiences that can be deconstructed and acted upon in a rational way (Taylor 1998). Mezirow (1995) suggests this happens through a series of phases that begin with the disorienting dilemma. Other phases include self-examination, critical assessment of assumptions, recognition that others have shared similar transformations, exploration of new roles or actions, development of a plan for action, acquisition of knowledge and skills for implementing the plan, tryout of the plan, development of competence and self-confidence in new roles, and reintegration into life on the basis of new perspectives (ibid., adapted from p. 50). As described by Mezirow (1997), transformative learning occurs when individuals change their frames of reference by critically reflecting on their assumptions and beliefs and consciously making and implementing plans that bring about new ways of defining their worlds. His theory describes a learning process that is primarily "rational, analytical, and cognitive" with an "inherent logic" (Grabov 1997, pp. 90-91). 

Hence, it is with such new "rational, analytical, and cognitive" perspective of making sense of my life, I move on with my life. And, with this online journal, I managed to find time to sort things out as I attempt to articulate connections between new and existing knowledge and hopefully demonstrates my inner learning.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Exploration of options and planning my course of actions

Mezirow points out that learners must engage in critical reflection on their experiences, which could subsequently lead to transformation of meaning perspective. Thus a perspective transformation is the goal. It is "the process of becoming critically aware of how and why our assumptions have come to constrain the way we perceive, understand, and feel about our world." This critical reflection of assumptions then changes "these structures of habitual expectation and makes possible a more inclusive, discriminating, and integrating perspective" and makes learners choose or otherwise act upon these new understandings (Mezirow, 1991, p. 167).

I thought through all that has happened after that saturday and realised how foolish I was to want to end my life because of a failed relationship and acknowledged it as a sign of being weak and wanting to escape from reality. I was too stubborn in believing that he was the one for me and I would not be able to live on without him. Clearly, I was wrong. All I needed to do was to change my specific beliefs, attitudes, and emotional reactions and be engaged in critical reflection on my experiences, which in turn leads to a perspective transformation (Mezirow 1991, p. 167).

I have since moved on and started on a new relationship. I have learnt from my past experience and I thought a lot more before and during the process of this relationship and realised how much my perspective of things have changed over the last relationship.

I explored new roles in this relationship and attempt to be both a friend and a lover to my new partner. This was because I have learnt from the last relationship that my only role as a lover to my ex-boyfriend may have been too possessive and dictative. Being a friend allows more private space for both my new partner and myself as I realised how much my assumption about spending every moment of our time may have restricted on our own private space.

What I believed was most disorienting in this change would be felt during dinner time. As my mum does not do any cooking at home, I spend almost all my dinner with Irvin but I know that I can expect the same from James. Hence, I made concrete plans to keep myself occupied in the evening by taking up courses so as to not allow myself become overly dependent on anyone else and at the same time, take the opportunity to develop myself. I have also learnt the importance of family and friends during this period of time and hence, I make an extra effort to spend quality time with them.

After about eleven months into our courtship, my new partner, James, proposed to me. I was again challenged by many traditional norms and ideals such as, having too short a period to understand each other well enough. Should there be a standard time period for courtship? Does it mean that the longer the courtship, the stronger the marriage?

 

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Reflective Discourse

During that period of time, I kept to myself a lot and refused to talk to anyone about what I was going through. Then one day, I found myself having suicidal thoughts. I wanted Irvin to pay attention to me and I wanted him to be sorry for what he did and to me and that seems like a good way of getting back at him.

On a particular saturday afternoon, I went to his place to look for him but as expected, I did not managed to meet him. I did not know what to do and I soon found myself at the highest level of his block. At that moment, I was so close to committing suicide. While I was standing there, I received a phone call frm a colleague. She called to ask me something about work and was definitely shocked to find me sobbing over the phone. She sensed that something was wrong with me and hence, offered to come over to where I was to meet me.

That afternoon, I realised I was not the only one going through all that I was going through. My colleague came to pick me up from where I was and we spent the rest of the day sharing about what I was going through and to my surprise, she had very similar experience sixteen years ago. In the context of Transformation Theory, I had a specialised use of dialogue devoted to searching for a common understanding and assessment of the justification of an interpretation or belief (Mezirow, 2000).

That sharing session made me realised tha the transformation is not only shared amonst myself but many others have negoitiated similar changes and have managed to go through it victoriously. Hence, with a clearer understanding of the shared experience from my colleague, I may be at a better position to make any judgement.