Moving On...

Personally, I learnt that how I make sense of love and relationship may change as an individual adds to or integrates ideas within an existing beliefs and perspective and, in fact, this transformation of making sense in meaning occurs routinely through learning. I cannot say that I have learnt it all and I may not be right but I recognised the perspective transformation within me. Perspective transformation leading to transformative learning, however, occurs much less frequently. Mezirow believes that it usually results from a "disorienting dilemma," which is triggered by a life crisis or major life transition, although it may also result from an accumulation of transformations in meaning schemes over a period of time (Mezirow 1995, p. 50).

Making meaning are based upon experiences that can be deconstructed and acted upon in a rational way (Taylor 1998). Mezirow (1995) suggests this happens through a series of phases that begin with the disorienting dilemma. Other phases include self-examination, critical assessment of assumptions, recognition that others have shared similar transformations, exploration of new roles or actions, development of a plan for action, acquisition of knowledge and skills for implementing the plan, tryout of the plan, development of competence and self-confidence in new roles, and reintegration into life on the basis of new perspectives (ibid., adapted from p. 50). As described by Mezirow (1997), transformative learning occurs when individuals change their frames of reference by critically reflecting on their assumptions and beliefs and consciously making and implementing plans that bring about new ways of defining their worlds. His theory describes a learning process that is primarily "rational, analytical, and cognitive" with an "inherent logic" (Grabov 1997, pp. 90-91). 

Hence, it is with such new "rational, analytical, and cognitive" perspective of making sense of my life, I move on with my life. And, with this online journal, I managed to find time to sort things out as I attempt to articulate connections between new and existing knowledge and hopefully demonstrates my inner learning.

Exploration of options and planning my course of actions

Mezirow points out that learners must engage in critical reflection on their experiences, which could subsequently lead to transformation of meaning perspective. Thus a perspective transformation is the goal. It is "the process of becoming critically aware of how and why our assumptions have come to constrain the way we perceive, understand, and feel about our world." This critical reflection of assumptions then changes "these structures of habitual expectation and makes possible a more inclusive, discriminating, and integrating perspective" and makes learners choose or otherwise act upon these new understandings (Mezirow, 1991, p. 167).

I thought through all that has happened after that saturday and realised how foolish I was to want to end my life because of a failed relationship and acknowledged it as a sign of being weak and wanting to escape from reality. I was too stubborn in believing that he was the one for me and I would not be able to live on without him. Clearly, I was wrong. All I needed to do was to change my specific beliefs, attitudes, and emotional reactions and be engaged in critical reflection on my experiences, which in turn leads to a perspective transformation (Mezirow 1991, p. 167).

I have since moved on and started on a new relationship. I have learnt from my past experience and I thought a lot more before and during the process of this relationship and realised how much my perspective of things have changed over the last relationship.

I explored new roles in this relationship and attempt to be both a friend and a lover to my new partner. This was because I have learnt from the last relationship that my only role as a lover to my ex-boyfriend may have been too possessive and dictative. Being a friend allows more private space for both my new partner and myself as I realised how much my assumption about spending every moment of our time may have restricted on our own private space.

What I believed was most disorienting in this change would be felt during dinner time. As my mum does not do any cooking at home, I spend almost all my dinner with Irvin but I know that I can expect the same from James. Hence, I made concrete plans to keep myself occupied in the evening by taking up courses so as to not allow myself become overly dependent on anyone else and at the same time, take the opportunity to develop myself. I have also learnt the importance of family and friends during this period of time and hence, I make an extra effort to spend quality time with them.

After about eleven months into our courtship, my new partner, James, proposed to me. I was again challenged by many traditional norms and ideals such as, having too short a period to understand each other well enough. Should there be a standard time period for courtship? Does it mean that the longer the courtship, the stronger the marriage?

 

Reflective Discourse

During that period of time, I kept to myself a lot and refused to talk to anyone about what I was going through. Then one day, I found myself having suicidal thoughts. I wanted Irvin to pay attention to me and I wanted him to be sorry for what he did and to me and that seems like a good way of getting back at him.

On a particular saturday afternoon, I went to his place to look for him but as expected, I did not managed to meet him. I did not know what to do and I soon found myself at the highest level of his block. At that moment, I was so close to committing suicide. While I was standing there, I received a phone call frm a colleague. She called to ask me something about work and was definitely shocked to find me sobbing over the phone. She sensed that something was wrong with me and hence, offered to come over to where I was to meet me.

That afternoon, I realised I was not the only one going through all that I was going through. My colleague came to pick me up from where I was and we spent the rest of the day sharing about what I was going through and to my surprise, she had very similar experience sixteen years ago. In the context of Transformation Theory, I had a specialised use of dialogue devoted to searching for a common understanding and assessment of the justification of an interpretation or belief (Mezirow, 2000).

That sharing session made me realised tha the transformation is not only shared amonst myself but many others have negoitiated similar changes and have managed to go through it victoriously. Hence, with a clearer understanding of the shared experience from my colleague, I may be at a better position to make any judgement.

Experiencing a Disorienting Dilemma

On the 30th October 2008, I experienced what I felt was a disorienting dilemma, where a disorienting dilemma is defined to be triggered by a life crisis or major life transition, although it may also result from an accumulation of transformations in meaning schemes over a period of time (Mezirow, 1995, p. 50). I received a phone call from Irvin and he wanted to break up with me over that phone call. That was one month after we collected the appointment letter for our apartment. He said he was tired and did not want to carry on the relationship. In fact, he claimed to have stopped loving me three months before. He refused to meet me or answer my calls and from that day on, I never heard from him. I was lost and my world seemed to have collapsed.

For a period of time, I went through a period of self-examination. I felt that I was not good enough for him and hence, he made that decision. Soon after, I realised those were purely based on my own assumptions because I found out from his friends that he was seeing someone else. I was filled with emotions such as anger and disappointment. I went through a critical assessment of internalised assumptions and suddenly felt very lost. My life was supposed to be like any other and I was supposed to live happily ever after but at that point in time, I felt alienated from all these social norms.

My Story

I have never been very confident about relationships and the few relationships I have ever had never lasted for more than half a year until I met him.

I met Irvin four years ago. I started a relationship that I thought would not last for a month. He had a lower qualification than I did and I thought we would not be able to communicate. However, before I knew it, we were three years into the relationship and he was the one who made me feel that relationships do last. He changed my perspective about love and I begin a relationship that evolves only between the two of us. We met each other on every weekday after our work and spent all our weekends together. To me, that was absolutely necessary to building a strong relationship, even at the expense of my family and friends.

The time came for us to begin considering moving on to the next phase of our lives and hence, we decided to apply for an apartment. I spent minimal time considering what this implied and as if it is a habit of mind, we are expected to settle down after a few years of courtship. Little did I know that, this is merely a set of broad, generalized and orienting dispositions that act as a filter for interpreting the meaning of my experience of thinking of settling down as the rightful course of action after a few years of courtship. 

According to Mezirow, 2000, habit of mind is constantly expressed and operated outside of awareness ... arbitrarily determine what we see and how we see it - cause-effect relationships, scenarios of sequences of events, what others will be like, and our idealised self-image. Hence, this exemplifies a line of action that tend to follow automatically unless brought into critical reflection (Mezirow, 2000).

Definition of Transformation Learning

A defining condition of being human is that we have to understand the meaning of our experience. For some, any uncritically assimilated explanation by an authority figure will suffice. But in contemporary societies we must learn to make our own interpretations rather than act on the purposes, beliefs, judgments, and feelings of others. Facilitating such understandings is the cardinal goal of adult education. Transformative learning develops autonomous thinking (Mezirow 1997, p. 5).

As found, "Transformative Learning" is a term that stems from Transformative Learning Theory (Mezirow, 1990, 1991, 2000), which describes a learning process of "becoming critically aware of one's own tacit assumptions and expectations and those of others and assessing their relevance for making an interpretation" (Mezirow, 2000, p. 4).

Since first introduced by Jack Mezirow in 1978, the concept of transformative learning has been a topic of research and theory building in the field of adult education (Taylor 1998). Although Mezirow is considered to be the major developer of transformative learning theory, other perspectives about transformative learning--influenced by the work of Robert Boyd--are emerging. Following a discussion of transformative learning as conceptualized by Mezirow, this is a blog about MY Transformative Learning and its current influence on my continuous learning. 

In this blog, I will attempt to give a personal example on how an incident that occured in my life has set me along on the road to transformative learning.